C.Y. Reid

GJx2: my worries and fears.

I thought I’d take a little time to talk about the game jam that starts tomorrow. The one I volunteered to take part in, organised a logo-production for, contributed to the Google Group for, and, of course, the one I’m writing a weekly column on at Gamers with Jobs.

In short, it’s the day before, and I am really stressing out.

I’m not a game designer - I could find multiple things that are wrong with any game, but ask me to make one and I go blank. In fact, that’s one of the reasons I don’t criticise some stuff, these days - I know that I can’t actually achieve the same thing myself with my skillset, so I don’t really feel like I have the right to rag on them for it.

Primarily, I’m worried about:

  • Actually finishing the game, but this is a given - the wonder of writing a column for a popular site about the jam is that I finish or face public humiliation, as does the site, so it provides a somewhat intense source of motivation for me.
  • The art - I’m probably going to go for a game with VVVVVV graphical complexity simply because I can’t sprite to save my life and the thought, the mere thought, of me doing 3D work is laughable given the month-long time-span.
  • The music - I am a musician, or at least, I have been in some stages of my life. But at the same time, composing music is a little daunting, especially when I know that if a repeating track sucks, the player will mute the sound and keep it that way, ignoring the other tracks that might not suck as badly as the one that put them off.
  • The concept - I’ve not played them, but commenters over at GWJ revealed to me that there are two games already themed around hugging. Sure, they’re not actually the same in terms of story, but one of them looks really great, like Swords and Sworcery great, and it was made in 48 hours, as far as I’m aware. Wonderful. No pressure.
  • Stencyl. I have no idea how easy this tool is actualy going to be to use when it comes to the real grind - actually getting the work done and the game built. Hopefully it’ll be easy enough for me to get a fun, great game sorted out in the time I have.

What I’m looking forward to:

  • Actually making a game. Being able to point to it and say “that’s mine. You can play it. It has a start and an end.”
  • Seeing the feedback/comments grow on GWJ (I hope) as the columns go on and the playable version develops.
  • Potentially seeing my game appear somewhere on some site with someone going “you HAVE to play this. This is awesome.”
  • Being able to expand the game after it’s done and potentially build it up into a massive, sprawling game - or a developed Metroidvania sequel, in which you go around a huge space station hugging unique aliens, rather than from planet to planet.
  • People enjoying the soundtrack/art/story/gameplay/anything about it at all.

What scares me is the (admittedly self-inflicted) publicity of it all, but at the same time, that also means I’m extremely unlikely to lose focus. So, if you see me freaking out on Twitter or anything like that, please know that it’s due to everything I just wrote about. I’ll link the columns as I go, and I would say that I’ll blog here as well and be a little more personal about the development process, but I’ll probably just do that there, as I think that’ll have more of an impact than a goddamn plain progress report.

Good luck, me.

The point where I stop forcing myself.

So, for ages, I’ve been going on and on about writing two books, and getting them published, and doing all this stuff that’s basically going to take up every goddamn weekend and evening forever with no immediately foreseeable reward.

Stuff it.

Instead, I’m going to focus on my career, my life, and while continuing to contribute to the odd thing, I’m going to just basically get myself to a place where I feel like I can write for the sheer joy of it, rather than pressure myself into this whole “you’re twenty-four, quick, sell a novel already!” stuff that has been driving me up the wall.

Next month I am taking part in a game jam, and I’m making a game where a marine goes to a lot of alien planets and hugs some aliens in order to make friends with their entire race. Diplomacy via hugs, via a platformer. You can already tell I’m a happier human being.

As for the book, still totally doable - just at my own pace. I really don’t know why I do this to myself, to be honest with you - I set myself ridiculous goals (i.e. write a good, full-length novel within a month, while working a full-time job, a podcast and a contributor position at a site) and then I always fail them. I’m actually delieriously happy simply thinking about my future now I’m not piling on work I make no money from and frankly, find a little too stressful to enjoy right now.

I’ll continue to write here - in fact, I’ll probably write here a little more as a result. But I can relax a bit, now. Good stuff. Now to go upload a podcast, and go and play a Pandaren Monk.

Update.

Right, so, I’ve got a ton of catching up to do, I know, so I thought I’d kinda hash things out with you people. At the moment I am:

  • Looking forward to seeing my name on the shelf at Forbidden Planet in June.
  • Working on a few new sites.
  • Working on a novel.
  • Moving towards hosting everything from my blog to other stuff over at an entirely new domain that will encompass everything a little better. I’m still not sure about this one, though.

The reason I’ve been so quiet is that I’m doing a lot of learning, a lot of working, having some fun, and basically taking a look at where I’m at and where I want to be. Looking forward to a lot of changes in the next several months. More soon, eh?

Update time, re: AYWT.

I’ve done no work on it this week, because I’ve had a lot of stuff that’s been more important. Some of that was sleeping. But I know that I’ve got a lot more editing ahead of me than I previously realised, and that in fact, this book could well get significantly longer. So, that’s good. I’ll keep you posted - not abandoning, just got a lot to do.

AYWT: The Edit, day four.

Today, I got some more charting of the plot done, and some feedback from a couple of chapter one beta readers. The feedback was great, and helpful. Also means I might be restoring a decent chunk of the opening chapter that I nixed after a BookCountry reviewer convinced me to can it.

Now, I’m going to finish The Social Network (I watch this film quite a bit) and get some sleep. Hopefully by Sunday the rest of the feedback will appear, and by next week I’ll be editing the novel and preparing it for beta readers. Laters.

AYWT: The Edit, day three.

Today, I sent out my first chapter to a bunch of people I know whose opinions I’d be interested in reading. They’re all writers, but not all of them write fiction - some of them just happen to read books. I’ll be watching their reactions closely, because I’d love to see how non-fiction-writer people react to it, as I have a feeling they’ll be less nitpicking. Then again they are writers, so who knows?

I think it’s good, I’ll just have to roll with the punches if they think it isn’t. And now, to wait. Dum dee dum. Oh, boy.

Remodelling Dark Souls

This was a piece I wrote about Dark Souls, in which I basically attack its treatment of narrative and its souls-as-a-currency mechanic. It got people talking, and I really enjoy throwing a spanner in the works of people who enjoy a game without nit-picking it the way I sometimes like to do.

Not that those people are flawed, in any way - I like just enjoying a game for what it is. But when going back to it in order to research my second article about it, I was miserable, and tired of it, and thought it had issues, so I brought two of them to light. Hope you enjoy it - the title of the post is the link to the article.

AYWT: The Edit, day two.

Today I got nothing done at all, because I slept so badly last night that I’m physically exhausted. I know some people are HARDCORE WRITERS but I’m not an idiot and prefer taking care of myself. The wonders of having a day-job, I guess. I’m consciously aware of the fact that it piles more work onto me, but that’s okay. I just need to take things one step at a time and realise my opportunities aren’t going anywhere if they’re all self-made, although novel #2 does have something of a deadline in terms of beating someone else to it.

It makes me wonder how other people feel really, if anything - some writers have this bizarre, obtuse “write every day” approach, and although I do technically do this - I’m a copywriter - I feel like that’s a completely stupid approach. You’re either inspired or you’re not. You’re either motivated or you’re not. I don’t like the concept of forcing yourself into a state or task you’re not moving into naturally. You’re a human being, not a writing machine, and this culture of HEY GUYS I STAYED UP TILL 4AM OH MAN NOW I’VE GOT TO GO TO WORK/TAKE THE KIDS TO SCHOOL LOL stuff drives me absolutely nuts.

So, yeah. No activity, but rest instead, and I need that. Laters.

An uneasy sense of self-confidence

Going back to a novel after four months fills me with two sensations - uneasiness (about how good it will be), and dread (because once I’m done with something I really don’t enjoy going back - a pretty major flaw in a writer).

When I went back to AYWT - I’ll talk about the title when it’s done - I discovered that not only was it actually pretty solid in structure (although I’m concerned about the order of events as it’s been so long I’m blanking, so a full-read through is in order), but it actually reads well, and I mean well to the point where I feel like it’s beyond something I could actually write.

I am not a fan of this sensation.

I think it’s mainly because it makes me feel seriously arrogant, and it makes me worry because if I say I think it’s good and people don’t enjoy it, I’m going to look like an idiot. I’m far from humble - frankly, if I couldn’t write, I wouldn’t have done as well as I have thus far - but I’m reluctant to call my novel amazing. But I really like the writing, and I’m glad that I took on board a common criticism - to strip out most if not all of the profanity.

It’s weird - I don’t swear on my blog, or on Twitter. It’s a rule I’ve held to since I was once swore on an older blog and removed the offending word(s - I don’t really remember the details). But in my book I swore like a son of a mother, because my character and everyone around him swore like sons of mothers. Or daughters. I’m trying to be equal-opportunities here.

I’m also drifting away from my theme. Ahem.

Honestly, I’m just really keen on seeing what people think of it. Getting some beta readers in will be really important, although I’m worried that as they’re probably all going to be friends of mine, they’ll be offended by the NDA I’m going to make them sign. It’s not because I’m being horrible, it’s just because I’m really passionate about keeping my ideas locked down outside the people I’ve chosen to tell - though not to the point where someone couldn’t tell their other half, as long as that’s as far as it goes.

The thing with ideas, and this book, is that I’m really keen on keeping them quiet. The literary scene is an endless sea of paranormal romance (not that I mind it, but it’s completely over-saturated the market) and generic thrillers. Original or different ideas are few and far between, and although this is a straight-up thriller with a few tweaks, novel #2 is a concept piece that I’d be devastated to see ripped off and dashed out onto the web.

At least the outline is going well, although during the chapters that needed work or, in one case, almost an entire rewrite, I started assaulting myself with CAPS IN BOLD TO INDICATE WHERE I DIDN’T LIKE SOMETHING AND NEEDED TO FIX IT. It’s a book about a weird journey, so I’m aiming to make sure it actually sounds like a journey, rather than a bloke stumbling around aimlessly, which it sometimes is, but hopefully not in a way that bores the hell out of you, the likely reader of the piece.

So, I’m uneasy. Laters.

AYWT: The Edit, day one.

Sigh.

I love writing, but I don’t like editing. I enjoy it, but usually only if it’s me sat with a printed version and a pen, or reading it out loud (this is really effective, as you’ll stumble over your mistakes). Looking at a document in Word and realising I’ve got to rewrite huge chunks of the book is daunting at best, and depressing, at worst.

But it’s got to be done - it’s a good story, one I want to tell you, and one I want to publish next month. I figure the easiest way to do this is to chronicle how far I’ve gotten at the end of each day I work on it. Hopefully you’ll be curious enough by the end of the process to actually buy/sample the book itself, which will be e-published via myself, on Amazon’s Kindle Store, and soon after will become a KDP Select title, to help boost publicity and promote the book.

The moment it goes out, I’ll take a week off from writing and keep up PR, then while maintaining that little planned effort, I’ll start planning and then writing novel #2, which is going to be longer (this one stands at 50k words, but who knows, it might grow or shrink during editing) and written and published significantly faster.

Then, who knows?

—later—

Tonight, I finally went back to charting what happens in each chapter, in bullet points. I started at just after the opening of chapter eight, and finished at thirteen, with the intention of finishing it completely tomorrow, so I can start actually editing and rewriting significant chunks of it by Thursday (I’m out Wednesday night).

As far as the rewriting actually goes, I’m pretty damn happy. Looking through it from chapter eight onwards, it’s well-written and reads solid, so I’m happy that after a rewrite and an editing pass, I can give it to whichever crazy (read: insanely time-generous) people sign up to beta-read it (with an NDA of course - archaic, but stuff it, I protect my IP). I have also figured out how to rewrite the main chunk I was concerned about.

My issue with rewriting that chunk was the feeling that it was that point I should be using to effectively shoehorn in 30,000 words. No, really. My novel is, what, around 220 pages? I’m worried it’s too short, despite being a fan of (and heavily influenced by, for this novel at least) Phillip K. Dick’s novels, one of which (Androids or Scanner, one of the damn two) is about 180 pages, to memory.

I’m content with it staying short - I’ve felt that way for a while now, and this settled it.

Until tomorrow then, peeps.