An uneasy sense of self-confidence
Going back to a novel after four months fills me with two sensations - uneasiness (about how good it will be), and dread (because once I’m done with something I really don’t enjoy going back - a pretty major flaw in a writer).
When I went back to AYWT - I’ll talk about the title when it’s done - I discovered that not only was it actually pretty solid in structure (although I’m concerned about the order of events as it’s been so long I’m blanking, so a full-read through is in order), but it actually reads well, and I mean well to the point where I feel like it’s beyond something I could actually write.
I am not a fan of this sensation.
I think it’s mainly because it makes me feel seriously arrogant, and it makes me worry because if I say I think it’s good and people don’t enjoy it, I’m going to look like an idiot. I’m far from humble - frankly, if I couldn’t write, I wouldn’t have done as well as I have thus far - but I’m reluctant to call my novel amazing. But I really like the writing, and I’m glad that I took on board a common criticism - to strip out most if not all of the profanity.
It’s weird - I don’t swear on my blog, or on Twitter. It’s a rule I’ve held to since I was once swore on an older blog and removed the offending word(s - I don’t really remember the details). But in my book I swore like a son of a mother, because my character and everyone around him swore like sons of mothers. Or daughters. I’m trying to be equal-opportunities here.
I’m also drifting away from my theme. Ahem.
Honestly, I’m just really keen on seeing what people think of it. Getting some beta readers in will be really important, although I’m worried that as they’re probably all going to be friends of mine, they’ll be offended by the NDA I’m going to make them sign. It’s not because I’m being horrible, it’s just because I’m really passionate about keeping my ideas locked down outside the people I’ve chosen to tell - though not to the point where someone couldn’t tell their other half, as long as that’s as far as it goes.
The thing with ideas, and this book, is that I’m really keen on keeping them quiet. The literary scene is an endless sea of paranormal romance (not that I mind it, but it’s completely over-saturated the market) and generic thrillers. Original or different ideas are few and far between, and although this is a straight-up thriller with a few tweaks, novel #2 is a concept piece that I’d be devastated to see ripped off and dashed out onto the web.
At least the outline is going well, although during the chapters that needed work or, in one case, almost an entire rewrite, I started assaulting myself with CAPS IN BOLD TO INDICATE WHERE I DIDN’T LIKE SOMETHING AND NEEDED TO FIX IT. It’s a book about a weird journey, so I’m aiming to make sure it actually sounds like a journey, rather than a bloke stumbling around aimlessly, which it sometimes is, but hopefully not in a way that bores the hell out of you, the likely reader of the piece.
So, I’m uneasy. Laters.
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cyreid posted this
